What is Coaching ?
Barbra Carlisle • December 19, 2022
Why consider coaching and what is it?
Coaching is...
- A bespoke service that enables you to have space and time to think about yourself, how you fit into the world, and how you can get the most enjoyment and satisfaction out of your life now and into the future
- An learning activity that takes place over a series of weeks or months, where you are in control of the agenda
- Flexible and adaptive to your emerging needs, with a pace that suits your thinking and learning style
- An opportunity to be listened to in a safe and non judgemental way and to have the time to think and challenge yourself to create courageous goals
- Beneficial if you want to feel more in control, change something about your current situation, and have a desire to move forward in life
10 Reasons to use a Coach
- Desire to resolve self doubt
- Confidence building
- Better understand how you fit into the bigger picture of life
- Find the right career path for you
- Know more about your personality type and recognise your strengths and values
- Better understand what motivates you
- Interest in knowing how you can use your strengths and values to better effect
- Hone your leaderships skills
- Understand other people when you begin to know yourself more
- Support growth in your thinking and goal setting
Ideas and thoughts on how to lead well through complexity and change
Senior leadership comes with an unspoken contract. Be decisive but do not intimidate people. Be confident but do not dominate the room. Be passionate but tone it down. Be resilient but do not show strain. One senior leader described it like this: “People want you to be assertive but not assertive. Strong but weak. Passionate but not showing too much passion.” If that sounds contradictory, it is. And yet this is what many experienced leaders carry every day, quietly. When experience does not equal belonging In a recent conversation with a Technical Director who has spent over 20 years in a male‑dominated industry, one question stayed with me: “When do I get to belong?” This was not said from a place of insecurity or inexperience. This was someone who: - leads large, complex programmes - manages global teams - has built capability from the ground up - is objectively successful And still feels the need to prove herself again and again. That constant internal checking, am I being too much, am I not enough, is exhausting. Not because leaders cannot handle pressure. Because the rules keep shifting. The pressure nobody notices Many senior leaders normalise the strain. They tell themselves: - this is just the job - others have it worse - I can push a bit longer Until the body intervenes. One moment shared was stark. Working across multiple major projects, sleeping badly, always saying yes. And then the body simply stopped cooperating. A breakdown that arrived without warning. Not drama. Not failure. Feedback. What resilience actually looked like The shift did not come from wellness slogans or better time management. It came from three grounded changes. 1. Capacity boundaries A clear rule. If something new comes in, something else must move out. Not because of weakness. Because leadership requires judgement about capacity, not endless commitment. 2. Progress over perfection Daily focus on what can realistically move forward. Two completed tasks is not underperformance. It is momentum. 3. Perspective under pressure A recurring reminder in difficult moments: “No one is going to die.” This is not dismissive. It is grounding. It brings leaders out of panic mode and back into proportion. The quiet truth about senior leadership At the top, pressure does not disappear. It simply becomes less visible. Strong leaders are not struggling because they lack resilience. They struggle when they are expected to absorb contradiction, manage everyone else’s comfort, and never acknowledge the cost. Leadership is not about being everything at once. It is about being clear enough to lead without erasing yourself. If this resonates, it is not because you are failing. It is because you are carrying more than most people see.
There’s a moment in many leadership careers where promotion comes with a quiet trade‑off. Not made explicit. Not negotiated. But keenly felt. You’re rewarded for your expertise – and then slowly pulled away from it. In my latest podcast episode, I spoke with Dr Nike Folayan MBE (PhD, CEng., FIET, HonFREng), Technical Director at WSP, who manages a team of 40+ engineers and remains fiercely committed to technical excellence. Her experience mirrors what I see repeatedly when coaching senior leaders in construction and engineering. “I knew my strength was technical. But I was put into non‑technical interface roles – and it almost destroyed me.” This is where many leaders break. The hidden cost of “helpful” roles Nike described being moved into interface management on a major infrastructure project. On paper, it looked like exposure. In reality, it stripped away her professional identity. She was no longer recognised as an engineer – but as someone who was “good at organising”. It was a form of professional dilution. And it happens more than people think. Engineers promoted into coordination or management Specialists turned into generalists Experts trapped in meetings while others do the work they want to do Eventually, they disconnect – or leave. The issue isn’t all about capability. It’s clarity and showcasing. What allowed Nike to rebuild wasn’t luck or resilience clichés. It was brutal clarity. “You have to be very clear what you want to do – even when you’re doing roles you don’t want.” She stayed alert. She watched for technical re‑entry points. She refused to let one misalignment define her career. That’s leadership agency. For senior leaders reading this If promotion has pulled you away from the work that gives you authority and credibility, ask yourself: Where am I adding value – and where am I merely being useful? What assumptions have others made about what I should do? What am I quietly tolerating that’s costing me energy? Promotion without authorship isn’t advancement. It’s erosion. If this resonates, it’s probably time to recalibrate. You don’t need another role. You need a clearer one. Listen to the full podcast episode here or watch on You Tube here
